Parenting A Gifted Child

 

My son Ryan is 22 years old now and we knew he was gifted from an early age.    The week of July 18-24 is National Parenting Gifted Children Week, and we definitely faced many challenges in parenting our gifted child.

 

 

We noticed four major areas where we needed to help Ryan so that he could become a well-adjusted person.   Socialization is a major issue for gifted children.  They are so into their own thoughts that they have a difficult time relating to other children.  Being in a group can be very uncomfortable for them.  They have a hard time picking up on social cues.  Some social behaviors that come naturally to other children need to be taught to them.

 

 

We knew that to be a happy person Ryan needed to learn how to function socially.   In preschool, he would rather read posters in the room than sit with a group.  He did not like library story time. Preschool was his first step toward developing social skills, and it did wonders for him.  When he was old enough, we put him in team sports such as baseball and soccer.  Being on a team became very important and he learned how to get along with children of different personalities.  We also involved him in children’s theater.  I spent many hours volunteering in this theater, so I was there to support him if he needed it   A cast in a play becomes very close, so this was another social experience.  It also gave him a different outlet when he performed on stage or became a student director.  

 

 

Gifted children need to be taught the difference between self-confidence and arrogance.  They know they are smart and they realize they are different at an early age.  Sometimes they think they are above everyone else.  Sometimes they will hurt someone’s feelings because they think they have to be honest or say everything they feel.  They need to be taught boundaries and appropriate behavior.

 

 

We noticed from an early age that Ryan voiced his opinions about everything.  His opinion mattered and what others thought wasn’t important.  Sometimes he spoke negatively about other people because they didn’t meet his standards.  When he became too full of himself we talked to him about it.  We told him why it was a problem and helped him find positives in other people.  Someone may not be a smart as you, but they are very creative.  Arrogance will cause people to dislike you, so tone it down. 

 

 

Gifted children are used to having everything be easy for them.  When they are faced with something difficult it can be overwhelming. They do not want to work through the problem, they just give up. Finding something challenging for them outside their gifted area is important.  In life they will be faced with challenges and things that are difficult and they have to learn how to deal with these situations.

 

 

We knew Ryan needed to learn how to work through things that were difficult.  If he couldn’t solve a problem easily or if he wasn’t good at something he had meltdowns. He just wanted to give up.  To help him work through challenges we decided to find something outside his gifted area to challenge him.  We put him in age-appropriate, group piano lessons at age 3.  We thought piano would always provide challenges he would have to work through.  When he was 5 and we moved from Canada to the U.S. we had to put him in private piano lessons because we could not find group lessons.  He loved the group lessons so much because he loved the teacher and he felt comfortable with the children in his class.  He was very upset that he had to have private lessons in Delaware.

 

 

The fourth area we noticed was finding an appropriate educational environment for Ryan.  Knowing your child and what their needs are is important. Then you have to be prepared to be an advocate for your child.  You need to do your research, decide what educational environment is needed and then fight to get it.

 

 

When Ryan started school we had to find a school that would challenge him.  First grade was a bad experience and he left it hating school.  We found a gifted program for 2^nd – 4^th graders.  When he took the test for this he did not test high enough.  We met with school officials who did not know him and their comment for everything we said was to refer back to the test results.  They could not see past this test.  We knew he needed this program because he needed to be challenged and to feel comfortable with being smart.  We pushed hard to make sure they gave him a more varied test.  The second, more appropriate test showed that he needed to be in this program.  He spent three years in this program and then we enrolled him in a small charter school: the charter school enabled him to be challenged, and at the same time, gave him a nurturing place to practice his socialization skills

 

 

I feel very strongly that we need to treat gifted children as children first and gifted second.  Never forget that they are children.  The academics will be fine because they have an innate desire to figure things out.  Learning how to function socially is important or they will not be happy.  Part of this is learning how to be self confident, but not arrogant.  They also need to learn how to deal with challenging situations or they will not grow as people.  Finding an educational environment to challenge a gifted child can be difficult, but they are out there.  Parents need to look for what is right for their child and then be ready to fight to get it, if necessary.